Hello

I've always felt that I needed to hide my story. By telling it, I would be putting sadness into the world. And honestly, that would have been true in the past, because I was so lost in darkness that I couldn't possibly share any light. But now I've come to a place in my grief where I can see the beauty in it. Through grief, I know I've felt the deepest of emotions, both love and misery. And to feel this is to be human.

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So yes, my heart will always break when I think of finding my best friend after she died by suicide. And yes, my chest will get tight when I think about holding my mom's hand as she died in front of me after cancer took over her liver and lungs. And yes, when I think of the life I missed out on because while everyone else was turning 18 and finding themselves, I started losing every part of who I was.

But in that pain, I was brought to almost everything and everyone I know, and for that I am grateful. Most importantly, the pain brought me to canvas, time and time again, to pour itself into a different world where colour and texture gave it a safe home. Painting allowed me to share visually what I couldn't offer verbally. It gave me a space to paint the peace I wish I had felt. To put it simply, painting saved me, because, now, after all these years of darkness, I see the light and I want to share it.